Tonight I went to a banquet as a volunteer for FCC at Disney's Coronado Springs Resort and Convention Center, to help in whatever way I could. Though I have to say that I went into it believing that I would be helping more than I did. Basically all I did tonight was stand in place for two hours directing people which way to go, most of the time when it was quite obvious. After that I sat down to dinner with a group of fellow students who were in the back (I'm not sure what that says about me that I placed in the back, I'm not sure that it wasn't done either intentionally or unintentionally). However I looked over and noticed that there were at least two other tables in the back that had only students sitting at them. I felt that this was quite odd as we were each told that we were going to be sitting with guests to tell them about the college, I felt a little bit annoyed and a little bit put out that my more dormant social abilities weren't put to use. Ah well, C'est La Vie (for all those out there contending that my more obvious yet "unexplainable" personality quirks can only be described as "he's French") even though on that note I more likely to smile and nod not finding any way to deny the observation. Though I do say that I am in love with the music of Edith Piaf.
What else can I say about this night? Much and yet maybe very little. I have to say that the food was quite excellent and having a empty seat right next to you was quite useful when you're hungry. Also when you're trying not to look completely out of place and trying to fill in the silence (notice I say silence and not awkward silence) of "almost" running out of witty things to say to your fellow classmates.
For starter's they had Beefsteak Tomatoes with Buffalo Mozzarella with Balsamic Basil Vinaigrette "salad" for the entree they had Chicken with Mashed Potatoes and for dessert they had Praline Cheesecake (this is where the having an empty seat came in handy, I ate two, and I wonder what most people would have thought had they known that they were eating pecans) not to mention I also had six cups of coffee, two glasses of water, and two glasses of tea. I was actually surprised that the tea wasn't that sweet considering we're in the "South" and that's what "Southern" people drink. Okay I know that you don't care about my diet, but it's part of what made this night interesting, and it's what you write about when you're extremely caffeinated. Eating is also what you do when you feel cast aside like an uninteresting and thereby "useless" object.
The main speaker was Cal Thomas, all I can tell you now is that he is a really good speaker, I'm still not entirely sure what he does, but that he writes articles, and lives and works in D.C., he also seemed to have quite a few jabs at the Democratic party (which I view as ridiculous because I believe that both the Republican and the Democratic party have both upsides and downsides) oh and I know that there are some Christian people out there that believe that the Republican party is the only way to go. I have to say that point of view is completely ridiculous. Take the issue of abortion there are plenty of Republicans that support abortion, just as there are plenty of Democrats that are pro-life. I personally believe that there should be a melding of the two parties to make one good party for all, but that's never going to happen. Back to point the speaker also included one too many of his own advertisements, saying everything except "Buy my stuff and you'll be eternally happy." I'm not sure if other's felt this way or not, but I did and it made me increasingly uncomfortable to know that someone was using a night that should have been about FCC for their own gain, even if it was in some small way, and unintentional. (I also noticed a limo when leaving the banquet parked at the curb outside, I couldn't help but believe that it was his limo, and thinking some odd thoughts that went along with that at the same time. Like that it's easy to speak about money not being an issue when you have it).
Tonight upon mentioning to someone that I wasn't sure if I liked Cal Thomas this person said to me, "Not too many people are sure that they like you either." Which I didn't take as an insult because I don't want everyone to like me if everyone did like me that would mean that I wasn't doing something right and that I wasn't being true to myself. Because I firmly believe that being a Christian doesn't mean not being true to yourself or losing yourself, I believe that God loves our unique abilities and these abilities can be used for Him. I was also told by that person that I was liked, so I had mixed emotions at that particular moment. But I also smiled inwardly in that I have a characteristic about me that makes me both liked and disliked. I was also told tonight that was cynical, which is a compliment for me. Here's a story that illustrates this feeling in me...........
When I was a senior in high school and I went to Grad Night at Disney World. I remember being there with some people who I believed were my friends. Only to have them leave me at a certain point in time when they thought that I wasn't paying attention to leave me all alone during a night that should have been a completely happy memory for me. Well it was certainly memorable for me. I spent two hours alone until I found some other people from my school. It's not one but many past experiences like this that have made me the way I am today. If I am cynical it is a good thing in my mind, because even though I know that people will always let me down, that God is the only one who will not, that nevertheless it will be that much harder for someone to do a similar thing to me again. If it does happen I will be expecting it, so it will hurt less. I have found this to be true.
Well now tonight was also about making friends which I'm not sure I did. I am sure that these people were already my friends, but I did get to know them a bit more and that's never a bad thing. I am not true believer yet in having lifelong friends, because I have never had any, only time will tell. I also know that having friends in a certain place keeps you tied to that place, which I am not sure that I ever want to be tied to a particular place. However I do know that I want friends. Friends are all that I ever may have because of personal reasons, and this might be sharing too much but I feel that a part of me has always felt alone. It's the reason I often seem down, all I know is that being around people, even if they are not friends, makes me feel for that brief moment a little less alone.
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